Robin Williams Unleashed by Tatiana Pahlen

Robin Williams Unleashed
(Learning about Robin Williams’s childhood and falling for him.)
By Tatiana Pahlen

I arrived in the United States equipped with a limited English vocabulary. After Russian, my second language was German. Still, I managed to get by with the help of Berlitz School classes, which I took shortly after meeting John Paulson days after my settling in Manhattan. Yes, the same John Paulson who became a billionaire decades later. I enjoyed the company of his affluent arresting crew. He was the key to meeting the crème de la crème of the New York high circles.

Honestly, my English course ran rather dull: I was dutifully picked up by John after class as soon as the bell rang and was driven to his favorite trendy spots where we hung out in large groups. Many exotic, breathtaking girls fell prey to their fast conquests to exciting men we had partied with, only to disappear shortly from the circus. But I was keen enough not to fall for any of the boys – despite the exquisite wiles they used to seduce ladies.

I was a deity, untouchable, at least in my own eyes! That persona kept me in their company for a decade, as a fun-loving, ever inventive joker! I made jokes out of thin air, on the spot by playing on words! That made me a part of a golden pack. I felt false stability, as if I had a family, where each member eventually accepted my denial to their marriage proposals!

Berlitz School didn’t help me to learn New York’s vibrant language. The teachers were changed daily to diversify my accent. There were Poles, Indians even Mexicans, a rare case of a Brit or natural-born New Yorker. I never understood this principal of teaching in the overpriced Berlitz School. A new teacher could not possibly monitor my progress in ever changing teacher sessions.

At times I was diligently sitting at the TV screen watching the silly daytime talk shows, which I can’t stand any more. But at that stage the programs surely helped me to advance in my English. Like a sponge, I vacuumed in slang and nuances, surrounded by numerous dictionaries and thesauruses, including the best one, Roget’s International! I had every edition old and new. I read every paper, including tabloids, real trash! For me it was a street-smart education versus a generic, lacking any dynamic schooling in Berlitz. After two something decades, I still have the original “Moving Ahead in English” Berlitz textbook, which I found totally useless!

Of course I read most of the English and American literary lions; just name a few, and I probably read them. Long ago I ravished through this colossal treasure in Moscow, Russia in my mother tongue language, and was delighted that in English I didn’t detect much of a difference. I embraced English instantly.

Switching gears to the talk shows, one day I was captivated by a refreshing act of a smiling, shy man who appeared on one of the shows. I cannot recall the host, was it Phil Donahue, Oprah, Sally Jessy Raphael or Maury Povich? He was about to make a revelation. I didn’t know who Robin Williams was at that time, but was mesmerized by his serious pain he unveiled in front of national TV viewers -- he revealed a raw truth about his childhood.

Since his early age, Robin realized to reach out for his folks hearts he needed to be special! He began to humor his mother, a former model, Laurie McLaurin, whom he didn’t blame on the show for not displaying her affection while fully neglecting him as a toddler. In his own words, Robin said, to get her attention, he had to create a new character each time to amuse her and focus her interest on him. He employed new voices to make her laugh! Just to see his mother happy kept young Robin excited, that was day after day and year after year.

Clearly, Robin was very fond of his mother in the desperate desire to please her. Did she hug him while enjoying his wittiness? Young Robin Williams often positioned himself next to his father and observed his transformation when his revered comedians emerged on TV, and brought bursts of laughter out of his dad, a usually serious senior executive at Ford Motor Company. That was Robin’s awakening about the power of humor and started him on the future road to become one of the tremendous comedians in our life time.

In some way it reminds me of the story about another bright star of the big screen, Grace Kelly, who tried to get closer to her father and whose approval didn’t change even after she won an Oscar and married Prince Rainer of Monaco. With every achievement her father was becoming more distant. What could she possible do to bring love of her beloved father? Nothing helped Grace to ease her craving for love. He simply wanted a son!

Sorry for straying from my original subject, but I can see the patterns in both tragic cases! Was Robin’s mother craving for a daughter and got a son instead? We have to re-think the relationship between children and parents in their tender ages!

From what I registered, Robin was never fulfilled by his mother’s lack of affection for him. It caused a scar. Even if you are beloved by the world, you crave for a hug of a family member! We shall be very sensitive of this statement, since I'm only trying to connect dots together. Perhaps behind Robin’s ever-hysterical showbiz, there was a search for his mother’s approval, even from the grave!

Remarkably, when Robin won an Oscar in 1997 for the best supporting actor playing a psychiatrist in “Good Will Hunting,” he addressed his speech to his late father, turning his eyes to the sky, he said: This is for you, dad! Thanks for believing in me!” Oddly, not a word was dropped to his mother, who died four years later in 2001. Was it a ‘gotcha’ moment for Robin? Battling depression while clowning on the stage is a painful process.

Shall I mention that I was sitting one day at the Carlyle Café next to his table while he was with his wife number two, Marsha and another female? The women chatted like magpies, laughing loudly, while Robin was silent and certainly appeared bored. Within two hours he uttered one word, only to a waiter. I thought it was bizarre, as I was expecting him to entertain the whole place. On stage he was the funniest man on earth, but apparently not when the camera stopped rolling.

My burning question is, where was his recent wife, Susan Schneider at the time of his suicide? Obviously not near him! I believe real love can heal and overcome the most severe depression! Was he ever loved by any of the women he was married to? Do they all fail him like his own mother? No further comments!

RIP, sweet Robin! All your fans eternally love you!

"Children begin by loving their parents, after a time they judge them,
rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." — Oscar Wilde 1893